


Baby Don't Cut

by LexBlack_28



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A bit of fluff I guess?, Angst, Bullying, Depression, M/M, Major Character Injury, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, when i listen to sad songs i need to write sad fics, why do i like to make bokuaka suffer so much smh, why doesn't ao3 have cursive or bold option shm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:08:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27699452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexBlack_28/pseuds/LexBlack_28
Summary: It's middle of course, Akaashi is in his third year of high school but he feels it and even wants it to be the last one of his life. His boyfriend Bokuto is worried about him, Akaashi has always been very serious but he notices this year quite different.He definitly doesn't have a clue of what's going on on his boyfriend's mind, on his boyfriend's feelings...And when he notices... Will it be too late?Inspired by the song "Baby Don't Cut".
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Baby Don't Cut

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mxilkshake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxilkshake/gifts).



> So uhm,,,,, already published this on wattpad but now I can do it here! TW//bullying, self-harm and suicide attemps  
> When I listen to sad songs I need to write sad fics and Bokuaka are always my victims smh
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy this because I wrote it at 1am :D
> 
> Ps.: I highly recommend listening to the song while reading<3

Akaashi Keiji was only seventeen years old. He was on his third year of high school, just one step away from university, his whole life ahead of him.

Akaashi Keiji hated school and the people that he was left there with. It was just like going back to the living hell he lived during middle school. The two years before that one were just amazing. When he entered, the only thing he was sure about was studies. Not even volleyball was special. Until he met Bokuto Kōtarō, one of the best people in this world, probably, and his boyfriend since last year. He made friends with the whole volleyball team, including the managers, as he was the only first year and he got used to the team's rythm pretty quickly. He becames best friends with Konoha Akinori as their personalities fitted quite perfectly.  
Konoha, as well as Bokuto and the rest of them left. Left him alone with all those peoples laughing at and making fun of him. Left him with those bullies that came even stronger and, somehow, more furious than his first year. Left him with those teachers that didn't seem to care at all as long as he kept his grades high. Left him with the volleyball team where only two people seemed to respect him. Left him with his self-destructive thoughts.

Help.

Akaashi Keiji wanted to ask for help but didn't want to annoy. He wanted to ask for help and be listened, but no one did. So from then on he swallowed his pain.

Akaashi Keiji has been in the hospital twice because he tried to take his life away. Both of them with an overdose of sleeping pills, which were taken away by his parents. 

Akaashi Keiji knew he was a disappointmennt to everyone and the look on his beloved ones were just an increment to his pain.

"Keiji, look at me." He refused. He was definitely not going to look at his disappointed boyfriend's eyes. No. He couldn't bear it. "Keiji, please." Bokuto brushed off Akaashi's hair to contemplate his swollen eyes. "Baby, you're amazing."

Akaashi blinked, shocked for a moment.

"W-what?" Finally, their eyes locked and Bokuto gave his old setter a sweet and little smile that filled Akaashi's heart with warm. His eyes softened for the first time since May and Bokuto took this as a free pass to hug Akaashi who inmediately resisted it and tried to pull Bokuto away.

Due to all the movement between them, Bokuto could see his boyfriend's sleeve pulled up and could appreciate the cuts on his wrists. He stopped immediately, shocked and extremely worried. What was Akaashi doing?

"A-Akash... W-why?" The other hid his face, embarrassed. 

"I can control the pain I feel this way."

"How long have you been feeling this way, babe? I-I though you got better with the therapies..."

Akaashi tried to escape his eyes. "It's been a while since last time I didn't feel this way, actually." He reached his arm to scratch his scars but Bokuto stopped him.

"Nobody seems to get you, you feel you're on your own." Akaashi looked away and Bokuto held his face to make Keiji look him in the eye. "But listen, pretty boy, you are not alone. I know your heart is hurting, you think the road has end. You may just feel that blade you're holding is your only friend, but that's not true. I told you babe, you're amazing and you can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut."

Akaashi's inferior lip was trembling and he was tearing up. Bokuto also had tears in his eyes and had no idea of how was he able to say that without cracking. Bokuto hugged his boyfriend with care and finally Akaashi burst into tears.

Akaashi Keiji had no idea of how much he needed those words.

Akaashi Keiji promised he wouldn't cut again.

Akaashi Keiji had no idea of how many days and weeks before he should have heard that.

Akaashi Keiji had no idea of how warm that last hug really was.

Akaashi Keiji had no idea of how late it was now.

Akaashi Keiji felt his heart turning heavy because Bokuto Kōtarō had no idea of how rotten and helpless he was now.

After that, they spent the afternoon together doing different things, like cooking a cake that ended up burnt in the trash can, to take Akaashi's mind off everything even though if it was for just one moment.

And it certainly worked.

Akaashi felt a warm embracing his chest and heart throughout the day. Finally, Bokuto had to leave after dinner (Akaashi's parents insisted he should stay to have dinner) and Akaashi was alone again. But he didn't feel lonely, he was much better and went to sleep without any problem for the first time in forever.

He would talk to Konoha the next day.

Everything would get better.

It wasn't too late after all, was it?

...

Was it?

•••

The next day started better than others and Akaashi's mom noticed. She almost started to cry when she saw her little baby's eyes not being dull and dry, but full of life and light. She gave him a kiss before rushing to her car since she was a little bit late to work leaving her husband and her son doing their breakfasts.

"I'm guessing you finally talked to Kōtarō, right?" Akaashi's eyes lost a little bit of excitement but remained bright.

His parents didn't know shit about his cuts.

He nodded shyly and his dad smiled. "And how do you feel after talking it out with someone?"

"Better."

"That's good." His dad smiled and they started eating breakfast. When finished, Akaashi went upstairs to get dressed and took his phone to text to his best friend.

To Aki✨🤡:  
Bby, can we meet today at the cafeteria that's behind high school? I need to tell you something<3

The black haired guy took his schoolbag and hugged his dad goodbye at the door. His dad rushed to the bus station and he started walking to school.

To Aka💞🙄:  
Sure hun, I miss u smmm🥺💞

When he arrived to school, he swallowed heavily and walked with Shūichi, one of the two second years in the volleyball club and one of the two only people there that actually respected him.

He had became the only one who Akaashi felt comfortable around.

"Hey 'Kaashi. How was your weekend?" The other setter asked without expecting too much of a reaction.

He almost fell when he looked up at Akaashi and saw the boy smiling.

Wait, since when did Akaashi smile?

"It was better than ever, I might say."

Shūichi kept staring at the older one and finally smiled back, happy to have what seemed to be like last year's Akaashi.

"Well, that's g-."

"Hey crybaby, watch where your going!"

"Loser!"

Shūichi helped Akaashi get up. Two of the guys that were always harassing Keiji just pushed him to the floor making him hit his head against the lockers.

"Weakling!"

The boys laughed and Shūichi noticed the light in Akaashi's eyes smothering. He opened his mouth to say something to those bastards but Akaashi's grip stopped him. He pressed his lips together and let Akaashi carry him away. When they were at the younger's class, Keiji smiled trying to tell the other that it was fine. Of course, the brunet didn't believe him but the bell rang and Akaashi run to his class in the upper floor.

When he got there, one of his classmates tripped up and Akaashi felt to the floor again, dropping his books in the process and the class started to laugh. He tried to swallow his tears and his incoming anxiety while he reached out for his books, but a girl kicked the books far from him while laughing. Finally, Keiji got up but instead of picking his books up, he turned around and started running away from the class, away from the school.

He couldn't do this anymore.

Couldn't he have understand before? No one would ever let him be happy! There would always be someone that would make from his life a living hell.  
He didn't want to drag anyone with him.

His parents had suffer enough because of him.  
Bokuto had suffer enough because of him.  
Konoha had suffer enough because of him.

It was enough.

When he got to his house, he sent a text to his boyfriend.

To Kou❤💫:  
I love you with my body, heart and soul to death.

When Bokuto recieved the message, he was so damn confused... But he replied without knowing that by death, Akaashi was being serious.

To Keiji🤓❤:  
I love you too babe😚💞

Akaashi looked at the message trying to calm his breaths and he left the phone on his dorm. He went to the bathroom with his sleeves up and a blade on his hand.

He didn't think he would brake that soon the promise, but...

One...

Two...

Three...

Four cuts...

The blood kept running as Akaashi buried the blade deeper and deeper on his skin.  
He started to feel dizzy and fell to the floor unconscious.

Bokuto felt apprehensive since the moment he sent the text so he decided to call Akaashi.

...

Akaashi wasn't picking up, okay.

Maybe he was in class.

Or maybe...

Bokuto shook his head biting his lips.

No, he wouldn't. Akaashi wouldn't do that. The day before he seemed to get better as the evening passed and that morning his soon to be mother-in-law texted him saying how bright Akaashi was that morning.

Impossible.

Maybe it was one of those moments Akash used to have where he felt the sudden need to tell his beloved ones that he loved them.

...

Although now that he thinks about it, all those times, Akaashi had actually felt sad and even used them as a try to say goodbye when he tried to overdose.

Nothing bad would happen, he was just going to check up on his house.

Yeah.

He arrived to his house and noticed the door unlocked. That bad feeling inside him growing stronger.

"Akaashi-san? Keiji?" Nobody answered. He went upstairs and what he saw, stopped him even from breathing for a second. In front of him, in the bathroom floor, layed Akaashi covered in blood. A blade on his right hand and deep cuts on both of his arms. It looked so much like a crime scene.

It was a crime scene.

Bokuto run to him, hugging him starting to cry. His heart racing, his hands and body covering in blood. He didn't think there would be time for an ambulance to arrive so he took Akaashi to the hospital in his own car, driving carelessly. His mind only paying attention on why did his boyfriend do this, what had lead him to do this.

He got to the hospital and cried out for help. The doctors rushed him to the ER telling Bokuto he had to stay out.  
The ex-captain freaking out at the waiting room, with his arms and clothes still covered in blood.

Akaashi Keiji's blood.

Goddammit.

Why the hell didn't he arrive earlier.

With trembling hands and glossy eyes, he took out his phone. He stared at the message for a minute and then called Akaashi's parents. They both said they would be there in no minute.

But when the doctor came out saying Akaashi's name, he was still on his own.

"Yeah?" Bokuto asked with a cracked voice. The doctor looked at him.

"Are you a relative from Akaashi Keiji?"

"His parents are on their way, they must be arriving. I'm his boyfriend."

The doctor looked at Bokuto with pity. He was obviously the one who found Akaashi and brought him here. It must've been a hard moment.

"Excuse me for the words I'm about to say, boy." Bokuto felt his heart stop beating.

No.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...

Akaashi Keiji was amazing.

Akaashi Keiji could do anything.

Akaashi Keiji had his whole life ahead of him.

Akaashi Keiji should have become Bokuto Keiji.

Akaashi Keiji should have seen him playing in the big court, cheering him up so later they could go home or somewhere else, together.

Akaashi Keiji should have been his home.

But Akaashi Keiji would never do or be any of that because Akaashi Keiji...

"I'm sorry for your loss..."

Had given up.

Bokuto falls to the floor, collapsing. He thinks he hears Akaashi's mum screaming but his ears are buzzing. The only thing he can think about and pay attention to is Akaashi Keiji, his own love, his own heart, his own world...

It was his fault.

Maybe if he had been earlier...  
Maybe if he had payed more attention...  
Maybe if he had realized before...

"Baby, I thought you made a promise you would never cut."

|FIN|.


End file.
